Myspace layouts


LOVE BUGSEY

Hello i hope this letter finds everyone in good health and hapiness.
It seems like it has been such a long time since last post.

I will try to catch you up, I'm very tired and in a huge amount of pain.But trying very hard to move forward.

The stomach is much worse and it takes me 30 minutes to a hour to eat three bites of solid food, the pain is terrible,along with other symptoms i don't want to gross you out.

My marriage is still on a slow steady improvement, my husband changed jobs , this has him in a new location away from the strip clubs,and etc. It does not gaurantee a compete change,but i'm feeling confident.
He bought me a car and a new wedding ring. Alot of people view this as a buy out. I don't. end of discussion.

My oldest is talking about moving out in aug, to live with boyfriends parents while he is away and then they will slowly move intogether and get married or reverse. We shall see.

I'm getting very tired and sore.
will right more hopefully later
Lots of love, live your life to the fullest, it is short
With love
Junebug

Myspace layouts


BUGS

I missed the tag game and I also have to catch up with comments and blogs, WHEW!!! SO,I WILL START WITH THE TAG GAME

5 THINGS I HEARD ANS HAVE NEVER FORGOT.

1. "WELL,I'LL BE DIPPED IN DONKEY SHIT"!! MY DAD WOULD ALWAYS SAY THIS WHEN HE WAS SURPRISED OR SHOCKED ABOUT SOMETHING. I NEVER ASKED HIM WHY HE SAID IT.IT WAS JUST APART OF HIS WAY OF TALKING.

2. "I LIKE YOUR BELT,NOW WHERE IS YOUR SKIRT"??...MY DAD ASKED ME THIS ONE TIME WHEN I WAS WEARING A MINI SKIRT

3. "I BROUGHT YOU INTO THIS WORLD AND I CAN TAKE YOU OUT". MY MOTHER WAS FAMOUS FOR THIS ONE

4." YOU HAD ME AT DONUT" . MY SECOND HUSBAND,JUST SAID THIS TO ME NOT TO LONG AGO,AFTER WATCHING JERRY MCGUIRE. WE HAD OUR FIRST "DATE" OVER COFFEE AND DONUTS.

5."THE ONLY WAY I WILL EVER LET THIS MARRIAGE END,IS ONE OF US LEAVES IN A BODY BAG". FIRST HUSBAND SAID THIS WHEN I TRIED TO RUN AWAY AFTER A ROUND OF HIM USING ME AS A PUNCHING BAG. SINCE HE COMMITED SUICIDE I GUESS HE KEPT HIS WORD.

BUGS

I'M 42, Tonite i was over mom's and sister's house.With my father's first year aniv. for his passing to heaven,fastly approaching i decided to take the bull by the horns and make a statement. I asked them what they wanted to do to honor the day.As i was NOT under any circumstances going to sit the day,crying and remebering when.

To my surprise they didnot want that either,This is what We decided.A first For the three of us,since They have made all the decisions to date.We are going to buy a birthday cake and have a birthday tea,in honor of my dad's journey in heaven.His new birthday,as he is now on a whole new journey and is at peace,no pain and happy.

Nobody has to attend,and we are not expecting others to understand or approve,disaprove.We decided to lay down the hatchets and get to know each other and be happy with who we are.We only have each other,so we better make it work.

I knew in that second,I FINALLY GREW UP.

I also, know deep in my soul I STILL LOVE MY HUSBAND.And have forgiven him of what has happened, as i was no saint by any means either. I want to make it work as a couple or as friends.But i cannot cut him out of my heart,Its foolish to pretend otherwise. I KNOW he still loves me, i can see it. It just has occured to me we now love each other different than when we first married. SAD,but a fact. I feel we have a bond,my youngest child.So we will always have a love of one kind or another.

I also realize,it would be a big mistake to think i could date yet. I would drag some poor stranger in to a mess.And thats not fair.I need to be able to give to another whole heart or not at all.

I also,come to the answer.YES I have had a rough life and horrible events have happened to me, But that does not give me the right to crawl up into a ball, and wait to die. I have to grab myself by the bootstraps and LIVE!! IF not for myself but for my girls.

I have been in the hospital this week. I have not said anything because i don't want to cause worry. It is just after affects from the fall i took. AT 42 its harder to heal. And my stomach has taken a bad beating. I continue to loose weight at rapid speed.16LBS In one week. i'm always vomiting and pain is bad. I cannot take pain pills.Due to my addiction from surgeries a few years back. I fear if i take them up again i have no willpower against them. Please beware. PAINKILLERS ARE A RAPID ADDICTION ACROSS AMERICA. DOCTOR'S PRESCRIBE AND PRESCRIBE,AND WE GET HOOKED. MY DOCTOR WAS GIVING ME 120 VICODIN PILLS A MONTH, MONTHS AFTER MY SURGERIES, WITHOUT EVEN BLINKING AN EYE.Now when i state the fact of my fight to get off them. I was told i was never addicted because i didn't go about the scams to get pills. I didn't have to,he would say well i will give you pain killers and valium. For no matter what was wrong,because of everything i have been thru.

I am now looking for a new doctor.

I only tell you all this .Because as a community you have been more than wonderful to me and i owe you the truth.

I could have never imagined the night crusing the net i typed into google I NEED A FRIEND. And BLOGSTREAM POPPED UP.That i would have the experiences i have had with all of you. I have met people across the world and never left my house. I wish my father would have lived to hear about all of you.

MY DAD WAS EVERYTHING TO ME. I was abused as a child ,and then married young to an abusier who, beat, raped,and choked me wih my own nightgown the night before he shot and killed himself. When i appeared at my dads house the morning after the beating with three babies in tow. A swollen lip,covered in brusies, skinny from no food for months at a time. HE JUMPED INTO HIS TRUCK AND SAID TO MY HUSBAND" IF YOU EVER TOUCH MY DAUGHTER AGAIN, YOU WON'T HAVE TO KILL YOURSELF BECAUSE I WILL BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF",MY HUSBAND CALLED MY FATHER THAT NIGHT AND WHILE ON THE PHONE PULLED THE TRIGGER. MY DAD NEVER TOLD ME WHAT HE HEARD,HE TOOK IT TO HIS GRAVE.WE CALLED THE POLICE THAY BROKE INTO OUR HOME AND FOUND HIM DEAD ON THE BED.GUNSHOT TO THE HEART.

He is gone 14 years now. I stopped blaming myself last year.

I will miss my dad forever. But i was so lucky to have had him.

Dad i finally grew up.Please be proud.
JUNEBUG