As you know i lost my dad almost a year ago, I have an older sister and my mother.Thats it. Now here is my dilema. Growing up, I was not wanted by my mom. I was not the type of child she hoped for.My sister did everything mom demanded,never questioned anything, and was "the good girl". I however was spunky and wanted to try different things, so sometimes i would argue with my mom, or as she would call me," the child from hell". She sent me to live with my aunt every summer. I adored my aunt charlotte,she understood my adventure side and loved to read to me and had patience. My mother beat me alot and would lock me in the upstairs guest room for hours.
When i turned 16 you guessed it, i left home.Never went back.
Last year i got the courage up and asked my father why he allowed this,he said because he was at sea alot there was little he could do.But he knew of what my mom did. When i asked my mom why she treats my sister one way and me another,she said "i should have learned to shut my mouth and just do what i was told" it was not her fault.

Now Dad is gone.mom is 67 and in not the best health, My sister and i have a strained relationship at best. To this day,my mom still adores her and well, i'm just her daughter.

My sister called and said she resents having to take care of mom and didn't ask or want for the job. I don't know what to do? i feel guilty that i don't go over there to help out. But everytime i'm there ,its not good and i leave in tears.

This is killing me. Any advice i would apreciate,

Thank you and lots of love

BUGS

If you had the chance to hit a button that would rewind your life to a certain point in your life would you?

Alot of times i catch myself saying,WISH I COULD DO THIS OR THAT OVER. But today, i realized even with all the stuff i've gone through.And some of it was horrible.I would still do it again.

Reason,the beautiful children i have, the great stories of my life,the good,the bad and the ugly.

Yeah, i may not be rich,or beautiful or famous. But i lived,i loved and i learned. And i'm still doing these.

So,no i would not hit rewind if there was such a thing.

I will always miss the people i have no longer in my life.But for the time they were a part of it iam grateful.

Now,i start a new chapter,kids are all grown and i'm still young enough to get out there and have new stories.

WHO,KNOWS WHAT OR WHO IS WAITING FOR ME? BUT I HAVE A FEELING. I will be fine.

BUGS

This weekend was a rollercoaster of emotions
I had alot of fun and laughed more than i can remember.
But lurking in the back of my mind was some anger and pain.

At one point yesterday I cried alot. Yesterday was the 10 month aniv, since my Dad passed away and then I had more paper work to do for the seperation and divorce. Along with all this there where a few other things building up.

I went upstairs, and talked and talked.Not yelled, not doing "the why me's? just talked. I felt better and in a few hours ,i could feel changes inside me and i just have a feeling,good things around the corner. Just knowing he was there for me was a comfort.

JUNEBUG


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